Archive for February, 2012

Patlabor 2 – 俺達の平和の中身 – What is our peace made of

Posted in anime on February 12, 2012 by isidor

I might as well stop complaining and post interesting things instead.

Ghosts

Posted in ramble on February 9, 2012 by isidor

Still wondering for how long we will be able to carry on like this. Perhaps I’m just being delusional and the capitalist world is a far stabler place than I think it is, but still, as I saw Requiem for Detroit? the other day, I was saddened and elated at the same time. There’s a feeling of relief when the whole social ladder – car size escalation thing is blown to pieces; but if there’s going to be a new start, it is the most unpromising one.

Anyhow, the documentary is well worth watching, if only to see the ghost industrial complex.

Meanwhile, I’m still frightfully scared of my weaknesses and this hiding them is going way too far. Let us be clear about it. I blatantly failed, once again, to make new friends, or something of the sort, to learn something weighty, as Peter Eagleman would have it, to turn sand into stone. I did not try hard, afraid as I am of being exposed, but I suspect nearly everyone saw behind my pitiful farce. Some things you cannot hide, you just ooze them,smelling of helpless person, of Jimmy Corrigan. How can others like me when I don’t like myself in the first place? And well, that’s just pointless pessimism. I’m standing on a hill as I write. Enjoying the cold, because I like it and that is all. The mind wanders to weird places – how can one keep that promise, the one we all made ourselves when we were children, that we’d never grow corrupt, never become like every other adult? In some respects, I’ve kept that promise. Yet, I still live in a muffled world, where I don’t have to take many choices. When it comes to it though, how can you make a minimal change, if your ideas are so alien to your surroundings? Where do you even begin, when you can’t even reach out to somebody who is standing right in front of your face?

When in WWII, nearing the Hiroshima bombing, the Japanese civil faction wanted to surrender, the military caste that was ultimately running everything put up a useless struggle in the name of ‘honour’. In my case, the struggle is one for normality, my ‘honour’, the other, the peaceful self inside me, is the sardonic jester in perpetual wanderlust. Whether I surrender or not, is up to me; fighting will surely make me more wounded, but who knows, I might end up in a whirlpool of life again, just like when I used to go out with a girl and thought that friends were everything in my life. And they were! We’ve been taught to expect such things. Not to see them go away though. Not to expect that they might not come back! Not to expect you might end up a Vonnegut (or Rabo Karabekian), minus the artistic success. We are not, but it does happen.

Yet, it is weird, I am particularly serene. As I climb down the hill, ms. N comes to mind; though she has left now, godspeed, I don’t feel anymore the urge to explain to her why I behave like a bloody idiot. I just am, and that will be all.

Oh, and I don’t know if anybody at all reads this darned thing, but please ms. C, don’t say you miss somebody if you’re not going to call back. You can either disappear, or disappear not, half measures are for cowards such as myself.