A visit

Tonight an unexpected guest entered my dreams. While visiting ancient temple cellars, I sat on a chair and wished for her presence. I knew her and she knew of all my bitter resentment, of all my hate, of the dark cloud of filth hanging upon my head. She made it all go away. She pressed her body against my back and I could feel warm; no foul play was involved. My mind had been made pure by contagion, and suddenly there were no more problems on earth, no more disgraces, no more hard feelings. Our bodies were no longer: no longer meat, no longer brains, no longer recipients for something else, we were not waiting for somebody else to fill in what was missing from us. We were pure beings, and did not need to love, because everything was equal, every little rock and flower, and you could say that love was already present in every corner of existence. That was the status quo of things, that was nature; as if pain and sufference had been eliminated from the face of the earth.

We stood there for what seemed an eternity. I will treasure this moment forever. It is not a feeling I can describe, nor recreate, as the impossibility of it all,  the beauty of losing our human-ness was what made it special.
I know it cannot exist outside of my mind; and inside of it, a whole array of other monsters stands in guard to it with ancient jealousy and remorse.

I do not want it to go away. Reaching for an impossible ideal will make me a better person, I am certain of this.
And somehow, I will need to thank this person for showing me a glimpse of heaven.


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